I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
