its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
