A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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