dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
