I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
