They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
