I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
