When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize