Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
