Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
