Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
