who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize