pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
