it was like eating out sand paper
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
