friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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