so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
