so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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