I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
