i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
