this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Still dying that you shit outside
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
