Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
