i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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