conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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