I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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