Screwed.edu
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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