Do you still have your period?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
