I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize