is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
