Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
