I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
