Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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