yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
two words: eviction party
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
50% drunk capacity currently
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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