I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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