i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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