Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I wear drunk well.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
