this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
