so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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