just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
