i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
