Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize