Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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