Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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