my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Sober January is a disaster.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
