We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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