So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had to cum in my sink.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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