I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Soap is not a condiment
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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