3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dick very happy bro
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
