that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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