I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
