Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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