toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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