I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
