and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
