I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
