You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
