So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your penis caused this!
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