erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
