Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
