Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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