Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize