I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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