VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
