I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
