all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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