absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
