listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
