Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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