i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize