You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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