her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize