How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
