That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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