Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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