Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
