So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
